Part 5 – Foam, Facts, and WTF Moments

This is 6 part series about my breast cancer and reconstruction surgeries—some real talk, a bit of education, and most importantly some humor.

A grab bag of breast cancer fun facts, pro tips, and the beauty of awkward honesty.

• • Sitting on your drain tubes (or dropping them) doesn’t feel awesome. Be sure they’re always clipped up or dropped in a pocket.

• • Be sure the showerhead is exactly where you want it before your partner leaves for work.

• • If you think you can reach something, trust me, you can’t.

• • When your surgeon says, “We’ll try to keep your nipples,” and you nod like that’s a totally normal sentence. (Did you know – 30% of the time nipples die!)

• • The pain from getting expanders filled with 100cc saline rivals that of surgery – I’d actually argue it’s worse.

• • You’ll know you’ve hit a post-op low when your biggest joy of the week is switching from surgical bra to stretchy tank.

• • Expanders make you feel like you’re wearing armored falsies.

• • Tissue expanders make your chest look full and feel… like a countertop. Smooth, firm, and zero bounce.

• • If you have to ask, “Am I leaking?”—you probably are. Drains don’t lie.

• • Scripps hospital archives your breast tissue so they can test it in the future with new medical advances. I love science.

• • It’s wild how quickly you start treating surgical drains like accessories. (Do these go with this shirt?)

• • When you’re new to a city and your kids are new to a school in the middle of a diagnosis, you quickly become “the mom with cancer.”

• • There will be moments you stare at your new boobs and think: “Huh. Weird.” That’s normal.

• • Your plastic surgeon won’t clear you to start lifting weights again 3 weeks post-mastectomy. Trust me, I tried.

• • Plastic surgeons at Scripps take their own after-hours calls. Ask if yours does.

• • You can, in fact, have multiple accounts at CVS as the same person. Figure this out before you call your plastic surgeon after hours to complain about not having your meds.

• • Someone will compliment your bravery. You’ll nod, thank them, and secretly think, “It’s mostly surgical tape, stubbornness, and straight up survival.”